A Treatise on the Great North American Chimney Sweep
The plight of the Great North American Chimney Sweep (GNACS) is one that closely parallels that of mankind as a whole. Their abrupt appearance in the hierarchy of human society very closely corresponds with advent of the chimney. Throughout the ages, their numbers have risen in direct correlation to the number of both people and chimneys. It is only in modern times that the GNACS have experienced a period of dwindling numbers. Although experts have discussed the decline of the GNACS extensively, they have yet to reach a consensus concerning the reason for this wane. The most prevalent theory is that chemicals within the chimney have a negative effect on the fecundity of the GNACS. Although this is a simple and elegant solution, it fails to take into account the rise of GNACS amidst these chemicals throughout history. Another reason proposed by scientists is that the introduction of vacuums into the GNACS environment has depleted its prey to such an extent that it has become endangered. This scenario also proves to be counterfactual because the vacuum mostly preys on carpets and various floor entities instead of the chimney. The latest theory has been proposed by a group of anthropologist studying GNACS in Antwerp. This proposition supposes that the GNACS may be evolving into HVAC technicians at an alarming rate. Although this theory has been highly lauded in academic circles as of late, critics argue that evolution does not exist and 'intelligent design' has created HVAC technicians. Unfortunately, these critics have been encountering many difficulties in their study of 'intelligent design' and their counterargument seems to be subsiding. The GNACS debate is certainly one that will persist for many years to come. Our only hope is that a solution will be discovered before complete annihilation envelops this wonderful and robust creature.
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