The Doors

Whoever invented the door sure came up with a sweet name for it.  Door.  Sweet.  I want to invent a new door so I can name it.  I would be a terrible inventor because I don't really give a damn about what I'm inventing...I just want to name it.  I noticed that recent advancements in door technology have not been been accompanied by as cool of a name as the original 'door'.  'Revolving Door'.  Totally unoriginal.  'Trap Door'.  Dude, that's not even a door...its a goddam lid with hinges.  A door, as the name implies, must be situated in a 'doorway'.  I think a hole in the floor is hardly considered a 'doorway'.  Then there is the 'sliding door'.  That's a stinker of a name.  The person who really deserves to be crucified is the guy that invented the 'automatic door'.  This guy went ahead and invented what is unequivically the zenith in door technology and he couldn't come up with anything better than 'automatic door'.  Seriously, he should've invested in a better marketing department.  'Garage Door'.  Totally whatever.  I'm gonna show up all those lame suckers with a new door and I can only hope to rival the pure genius of the original door inventor's name.  My gripe with doors is that I don't want to hold them open for people...unless they're crippled or something.  Then I don't mind.  Unfortunately, 99% of the time I'm holding the door open for someone, they are fully capable of opening the door for themselves.  I only do it because I don't want to be a jerk.  So, my new invention will be a door-like object that will stay open for like thirty seconds so that after I pass through the doorway, I will be too far away to hold it open for someone by the time it closes.  I will name it....Ted.