Nightime Adventures

Last night I had what the French call Les horrible fucking dreams.  I've actually been up for quite a while now because the last one made me laugh out loud and I couldn't get back to sleep (it was scary, but a funny twist I guess).  In the first one, I was on this train, but not for long.  It stopped at this really old and decrepit train station that was like half falling apart.  I went down this open-air steel girdered stairway that went over a river.  The problem was that the stairs were all blocked off at the other end of the river and I had to go back to the train station on the other side.  Unfortunately, I had sorta jumped down to this other level on the way and it was impossible to get back to the original level that led to the station.  So this guy who was up on top of the stair-bridge told me to hang onto this crane-arm thing and he would swing me over to the station.  So, I grabbed on and this guy seemed like he was either drunk or otherwise totally incapable of operating heavy machinery.  He kept swinging me all over the place and I wasn't getting anywhere near the station.  Anyways, mid-swing one time I sorta felt the crane break because I was still holding on, but it wasn't forcing me anywhere...we were just falling at the same time.  Then I hit the water and I remember thinking how un-wet it was.  Then I got scared because I remembered that people can't live for very long in cold water.  Then I woke up.

The second I fell back to sleep, I had another horrible fucking dream.  This one I shoulda seen coming based on how it started.  Basically, I was going for some kind of ultralight homemade helicopter ride with my mom and my buddy Jay.  It was really pretty sketchy because it was all open-air with no real cockpit.  Just seats and a rotor sorta.  Jay was driving.  This dream just started off with all the hallmarks of a good nightmare.  Anyways, Jay was flying this stupid contraption and at first it was cool because he went up really high and we could see Foxwoods all lit up and it was nice.  Then, after reaching this crazy altitude, he dips it to go forwards and it loses altitude rapidly, but accelerates like whoa.  So we get really low and Jay has to be a jerk and try to clip the tops of the trees with his stupid helicopter.  After getting really close to a few, he snags one (by accident?) and the chopper goes down.  Now Jay, my mom and I are on the side of this mountain in the woods.  We ran down this really steep slope and then I saw something move like a few feet away.  It was a giant frickin' snake.  Huge.  It went up the mountain and left us alone.  Then, we crossed this small stream and started up the next slope.  Then another giant snake, except this one comes right for us!  I remember thinking, "I wish Samuel L. Jackson was here."  I woke up right before the snake got to me.  Then I thought, "God Ryan, you are a total fucking idiot."  Then I couldn't stop laughing and I was wide awake for good.  Fin.