How Not To Blog
I come into work 45 minutes early every morning for no reason whatsoever and I used to use this time to do the APoD but then I got burned out on that. Anyways, where was I...oh yeah, so I really like to come in early and I'm usually in a bloggin' mood, except that it's really early in the morning and nothing has happened worth blogging about yet....not that that's ever stopped me before. Hell, the only thing I did so far this morning was to write the first two sentences of a blog post, so I guess I'll just have to write about how I wrote those two sentences in a blog post. Three now (four!). Really though, I'm just interested in the first two. See, when I started this blog post I was all excited to be here blogging and it started out relatively coherently, possibly leading into a discussion about my early morning work habits or something. I think that by the end of the first sentence though, I really lost my train of thought and by the time I realized that the train had passed I kinda started to panic just a little because I can sorta tell when I'm about to write a really bad blog post. The panic quickly dissipated though because I remembered that I 'do' really bad blog posts so I embraced it and ran with it and that's pretty much how I wound up here. Anyways, getting back to the topic at hand...the second sentence. I think I started writing that by accident and I got as far as 'Anyways,' before it dawned on me that this was going nowhere. I sorta had to backtrack for a second there, but it was like backtracking after like 2 steps into a trail. You know, just sorta looking back just to see that you only took two steps. By the end of sentence two I was completely disoriented and I think that was a precursor of what was to follow. I had totally given up on anything substantive. So, yeah. In following with the backtracking/trail analogy, this post is like the kids from the Blair Witch Project putting the map on the hood of their car after parking it and then having it blow away and then immediately panicking like crazy and running around screaming and yelling and crying even though they haven't gone anywhere at all.
Alright son, I didn't want to have to raise my voice but here goes:
You're like one of about three people carrying this website. It's up to you to keep it from spiraling down the halls of internet-yore! So I don't want to hear about how you dropped the ball mid-sentence, or started freaking out halfway through a paragraph. We still have a shot at state, and I'm not going to let you, Cavutto, or anyone else blow the season for me! So you get out there, and you blog!
You got it coach! <trips over shoelaces> Don't worry, I'm alright. <Dribbles ball with both hands>
I think Blogs4me has reached 'critical mass' and it is slowly starting to eat away at itself and destroy posts at random. Since the critical mass is inversely proportional to the square of the blog if the density is 1% more and the mass 2% less, then the volume is 3% less and the diameter 1% less. The probability for a blog post per cm travelled to hit a comment is proportional to the density, so 1% more, which compensates that the distance travelled before leaving the system is 1% less. This is something that must be taken into consideration when attempting more precise estimates of critical masses of blog posts than the rough values given above, because blog pictures have a large number of different crystal phases which can have widely varying densities.
You sir, are an idiot.
It is obvious that the post-blog post reduction is the result of a carbon-rich blog accumulating matter from a nearby companion blog. When the accumulation limit is actually attained, the process of collapse is initiated. Tthe increase in pressure raises the temperature near the center of the website and a period of convection lasting approximately 100 years begins. At some point in this simmering phase, a deflagration front powered by really boring blog posts is born, although the details of the ignition—the location and number of points where the bad blogs begin—is still unknown. Regardless of the exact details of blog reduction, it is generally accepted that a substantial fraction of the blog is burned into heavier elements within a period of only a few seconds, raising the internal temperature of the entire site to billions of degrees.
