Cult of Candy

It sucks that cults always get such a bad rap.  It's like a few bad ones spoil it for the rest of them.  I bet for every Manson family there are like seventeen Brady Bunches.  The only good cult that comes to mind is the Lollipop Guild from the Wizard of Oz, and I don't even think they count because they're make believe.  Even though I can't really get behind the Cult of the Lollipop, I respect their admiration for lollipops and I don't think I would try to persuade any of my friends not to join it.  Really, the thing I don't like about lollipops, besides the obvious fellatio parallel, is the stick.  Why do they have to make that stupid stick out of paper?  It just falls apart and I don't like chewing on paper.  They should really go plastic on that one.  Those paper sticks are just nasty.  Wood is pretty bad too, as in popsicle wood.  That crap always winds up making my tongue feel weird.  What about the splinter factor of wood also?  People are dumb.  Candy is dumb too.