The Spy Who Loved Himself

This morning I was thinking that being a spy would be a really cool job, but then I started thinking about how if I was a spy, I probably wouldn't be doing it full-time, ya know? I'd have to have a 'cover' job or whatever. That pretty much killed that fantasy. Why would I want two jobs? Unless spying paid really well and I could do it like every other weekend or something like that. Also, in the brief instant when I was imagining myself as a spy, I noticed that in my imaginings I was always humming the theme song to Mission Impossible and playing with my watch (which doubled as some kind of spy gadget). I don't think that these kinds of actions are conducive to being a spy. You'd think that it would be a dead giveaway. Who's the spy? Oh yeah, that guy wearing the trench coat and fedora standing on the wharf humming Mission Impossible and playing with his watch all day. Yeah. Probably that guy. Then I thought that maybe it would be a good cover to look exactly like an idiot version of James Bond. I mean, who's gonna expect the guy that looks so much like a spy to actually be one? Just civilians probably. They can suck my ass.