Dear Farmer in the Dell
Dear Farmer in the Dell,
This morning I was reading your rather unremarkable biography and I couldn't help but notice a blaring incongruity in your story. While I believe that most people have already heard the impossibly brief account of your forray into the dell, I firmly believe that many of them either a) do not know what a 'dell' is or b) are not very discriminating readers.
I'm sorry to say that for the better part of my life, I was a member of the former camp.
It turns out that a 'dell' is defined as "a secluded hollow or small valley usually covered with trees".
I, for one, would like to know what you were doing putzing around in the woods instead of tending your crops and animals in the fields with the rest of your farmhands. Even if you subscribe to the 'peculiar institution' of slavery, I find it hard to believe that you would leave your slaves to their own devices while you go traipsing about in a merry-o fashion through a secluded, wooded valley.
For generations, your story has met no resistance but the buck stops here, Farmer! I think we all deserve to know what you were doing in that dell. While my own mind is running rampant with speculation concerning the various immoral acts you may have been performing, I will refrain from any unfounded accusations at this time and let you plead your case.
Sincerely,
Cavutto
This morning I was reading your rather unremarkable biography and I couldn't help but notice a blaring incongruity in your story. While I believe that most people have already heard the impossibly brief account of your forray into the dell, I firmly believe that many of them either a) do not know what a 'dell' is or b) are not very discriminating readers.
I'm sorry to say that for the better part of my life, I was a member of the former camp.
It turns out that a 'dell' is defined as "a secluded hollow or small valley usually covered with trees".
I, for one, would like to know what you were doing putzing around in the woods instead of tending your crops and animals in the fields with the rest of your farmhands. Even if you subscribe to the 'peculiar institution' of slavery, I find it hard to believe that you would leave your slaves to their own devices while you go traipsing about in a merry-o fashion through a secluded, wooded valley.
For generations, your story has met no resistance but the buck stops here, Farmer! I think we all deserve to know what you were doing in that dell. While my own mind is running rampant with speculation concerning the various immoral acts you may have been performing, I will refrain from any unfounded accusations at this time and let you plead your case.
Sincerely,
Cavutto
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phoenix on
God I love you, Cavutto. Thanks for never failing to make me LOL, LMAO & whatever else means guffaw until the cows come home.
Cavutto on
The Farmer was kind enough to submit his rebuttal to me via email (since Blogs4Me is apparently not taking any new members)
Dear Cavutto,
First, I rather resent the hostile tone of your letter. Had you taken the time to read my auto-biography you would have a much better idea of my remarkable doings. So maybe you should stop playing games/singing kid's songs and start reading real books before you judge a farmer.
Also, I would like to make note of the fact that there is more than one meaning for the word "dell". Had you taken the context of the song into account when finally deciding to look up the word dell, you would have realized that I was actually with my young wench (or whore...whatever you want to call her) and not frolicking in the woods.
You know...since I hadn't taken my wife yet.
Also, I was with her by the window so I was watching the slaves tend to my crops while I did the deed.
Sincerely -
The Farmer in The Dell
Dear Cavutto,
First, I rather resent the hostile tone of your letter. Had you taken the time to read my auto-biography you would have a much better idea of my remarkable doings. So maybe you should stop playing games/singing kid's songs and start reading real books before you judge a farmer.
Also, I would like to make note of the fact that there is more than one meaning for the word "dell". Had you taken the context of the song into account when finally deciding to look up the word dell, you would have realized that I was actually with my young wench (or whore...whatever you want to call her) and not frolicking in the woods.
You know...since I hadn't taken my wife yet.
Also, I was with her by the window so I was watching the slaves tend to my crops while I did the deed.
Sincerely -
The Farmer in The Dell
