Fantasy Football Huddle

Alright, everybody huddle up or something.  Now, I'm sure most of you know what this little team meeting is about.  You all suck real bad.  This week was a total embarassment in every possible way.  You guys scored a total of 47 points this week, and in a league full of retarded female owners who play injured guys because they have nice butts, you managed to get the lowest score.  I realize that a lot of the responsibility for this fall squarely on my shoulders since I drafted all you troglodytes, but c'mon.  The highest scoring guy this week was Akers, the kicker.  He scored 11 points, which is twice as much as most of you.  Akers, you're good.  Don't change. 

Pennington, you really let me down this week.  I know you're only a reserve quarterback and Hasselhoff picked a bad week to go bye since we were up against Peyton Manning, but you and your stinkin' Jets were playing Buffalo this week!  Nothing!  4 lousy points!  Get out of my locker room...and stop crying. 

You receivers all blow too.  Well, I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt, Cotchery, cause Pennington is a moron.  Chad Johnson.  Chad, Chad, Chad...new rule.  If your name is 'Chad', you are sitting on the bench.  No more 'Chad's' on this team.  I happened to catch a little bit of your game, Chad.  I saw you almost make a few catches, but guess what.  You didn't.  I saw you slam your face on the ground for one of them and knock your own helmet off.  What the hell was that?  Looked like you bit your tongue or something on that play.  Don't you have one of those mouth guards in?  I hope you swallowed it.  You suck.

Curry.  You sucked too.  I didn't watch your game, but I have to remember not to draft dudes from Oakland.  Goddam.

Alright, so tonight you two running backs are gonna take to the field.  T. Henry and D. Wynn, it's up to you two to get me at least 53 points tonight.  I don't care how you split it up, but 53 is the magic number.  I see that both of you have little red crosses next to your names, indicating that you might be injured, but I don't give a crap.  I need you two injured guys to smash a few running records or something.  Can you run for 500 yards maybe?  I saw Bo Jackson do it once in Super Tecmo Bowl.  You should take a lesson from him.