Football

This is what would happen if I played professional football...

(huddle) Alright guys, we're gonna run the Dixie-Do Half-Back Crap-Pants on 6. One, two, three...Teamwork! (end huddle)

Ready? Down! Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hike! (Cavutto and team flawlessly excecute the Dixie-do Half-Back Crap-Pants)

I'm open! I'm open!

(Quarterback hurls a perfect throw to Cavutto)

(Cavutto catches it and immediately gets slammed by some obscenely giant guy on the other team.)

"Aw, what the fuck man! I just got hit! That's it, I fuckin' quit!"