It's lunchtime and I'm bored.  I think that the holes in Swiss cheese are a marketing ploy to differentiate the Swiss style from its lactic bretheren.  I mean, does anybody like Swiss cheese enough to get it if it didn't have holes?  It would just be another unremarkable yellowish cheese I think.  Also, puppy likes cheese, but she won't eat swiss.  That pretty much says it all.  rrtffffff.  I tried to jazz up my myspace page this weekend but I was having a tough time finding any layouts with real dinosaurs (they were all artists depictions) or anything that looked even remotely historical.  Turns out, there are a lot of really crappy tiled layouts out there (I used the word 'out' three times in that sentence!  Excellent.).  I think it would be really cool to find life on other planets and then have it turn out to be dinosaurs.  I mean, why not, right?  They were here for a while so they could exist somewhere else.  I want to buy a chunk of lead just to see how heavy it really is.  It was probably a bad idea to make pencils out of lead because its toxic and kids use them.  Did you know that rubber is called rubber because the guy that discovered it used it to rub out pencil marking?  He got natural rubber from some trees in the south pacific I think.  I would've loved to have seen Krakatoa errupt in Indonesia.  I'm sure I would've only lived for a few minutes afterwards and died in some kind of pyroclastic flow, but whatever.  The K-T asteroid would've been another cool event to witness for a split second.  I heard that it drove itself 20 miles into the earth!  That's amazing.  20 miles is a long way down.  Bam!

Are there still people out there who listen to disco music?  'Disco' is sort of a cool word.  I wouldn't be surprised if there are peope out there still rockin' the disco.  What would surprise me is if people are still making disco music.  Disco.  I saw line dancers once at a Holiday Inn in Virginia.  At the time I couldn't really believe what I was witnessing and I thought that maybe it was like some kind of promotional stunt that the Holiday Inn bar did like once a week, but it turns out that it was nothing special.  Just line dancers.  Dancing.  In unison.  Dancing itself is kind of weird when you think about it.  I mean, like dancing in and of itself...take away the  music and now it just looks retarded, right?  I think that people like music because it is predictable.  It follows a beat and then it repeats it over and over and I bet that subconsciously, your mind gets all excited because its predicting the next 'thump' or whatever and it is usually right.  I suppose that if there was no beat whatsoever and totally unpredictable it would just be noise.  It's funny, I don't think I know of anybody who doesn't like music...like at all.  I bet the caveman guy that invented music was wicked popular afterwards.  Then he probably started using drugs and came out with an experimental sophmore song and everybody was like, 'Yeah, I listen to Undungo, but only the older stuff' and then he cleaned up and went back to his roots and came out with an aboriginal third song and got wicked popular again and then promptly sold out and lost his old-school fanbase.  Then he probably came out with a few 'Undungo's Greatest Hits' albums and milked that for a while. 

Call up bop and I'm bunting stomach.  Cocoa mop I chop chunking plummet.  It's funny how civilizations grow to be that great and then a thousand years later they suck worse than daytime television.  Like the Egyptians built all this really cool crap and now its all abandoned out in the desert (well, not the major stuff like pyramids and Luxor/Thebes).  I bet when they Romans built their collesium they probably thought, 'Damn, this thing is sick!  People are gonna love this place forever!' and then a thousand years later a quarter of it is missing and it's all broken all over the place.  It must've been really cool to be at the last Collesium event before everything went to crap.  I wonder who was in charge of the upkeep and fell asleep at the wheel.  I suppose every civic structure has an inherent shelf-life, but I think that there must've been one person along the way who was in charge of that stuff and he was like, "Dude, I'll vacuum tomorrow!" and then he never got around to it.  Now the Acropolis looks like shit, buddy.  Then the next guy that was in charge was like, "Whatever!  I didn't make this mess!  I'm not cleaning up this crap!" and then everybody afterwards pulled the same crap and now all the Greeks just say to themselves, "It's supposed to look like that.  It's all classically ruined.  Duh!"  Yeah.  That shit don't fly at my place. 

Oh yeah!  I got a new camera last night!  Canon Rebel XT!  Yay!  I haven't actually taken a picture yet because whenever I get a new toy I have to read all the crap that comes with it...and this one came with a lot of stuff to read.  I almost like reading merchandisical literature as much as the merchandise itself.  So...yay!  New camera!  Sweet!  I guess there's not much more to write about it because I haven't even used it yet or anything.  But I handled it!  It handled very nicely.  Good weight, managable dimensions.  Excellent texture. 

Ok, what's up with mailmen.  Do they go to every house everyday?  Maybe it's just me, but that seems like a real big pain in the ass.  Going to everyone's house everyday?  They make it look so easy too.  Nobody even thinks about them unless they're waiting for them to bring something and by then you sorta hate them inside because they have what you want and they're not there yet to give it to you.  Really though?  Next time you think about how many places they have to go before they walk right up to your house and give you something either you want or somebody else wants you to have.  I want to go to the mailman Christmas dinner.  I bet they have awesome stories of life on the streets.  Every story starts out with, "So, I was out delivering the mail and then all of a sudden...".  Maybe they sit around and bitch about email stealing their jerbs.  I bet they just sit around and bitch. 

Letter openers are very inefficient at cutting bagels in half.  They are much better suited to spreading cream cheese.  I totally mangled a bagel for lunch with the stupid letter opener.  I think I am going to stick a post-it on it that reads, 'Sharpen Please' and then stick it in my outbox and see what happens.  The outbox is sorta magical like that.  It's almost like a genie...you just write stuff on stuff and put it in your outbox and 'whoosh', of it goes to places to do the things you need whatever it is to do and it meets all these cool people along the way sorta like the wizard of oz except all the people probably aren't as needy as those weirdos Dorothy meets.  I think that Dorothy is a total fuckin' idiot by the way.  I should put a video camera in my outbox and write my own name on it and press 'record'.  Then when the video camera returns to me I can see all the places it's been to. 

I like the way staples sound when you staple through a thick piece of paper.  I don't mean stapling through a thick stack of papers, that's just a pain in the ass.  I mean like through a thick piece of regular paper...like a thick magazine cover.  It makes this really cool crunching sound as the staple pierces it and then there are the subsequent crunches of the staple itself contorting into the mold on the bottom.  Did you know that on some staplers you can reverse the bottom molding and staple things so that the hook parts hook outward instead of inwards?  I didn't know that until I recently found myself playing with my stapler.  I don't know why you would want to do that because it really interferes with the paper-fold-over I blogged about like a month or two ago.  Surgical staples are pretty cool, but only the way they remove them really.  I have to admit I was pretty scared when the time came to remove all my staples, but they have this really cool staple-remover and they just pop out effortlessly, and more importantly, painlessly.  I almost want more just so I can watch them take them out.  This does not hold true for catheters however.  Ugh. 

Is it just me or do women compliment each other all the time?  I just started paying attention to this and it is happening all around me.  Complimenting shoes, clothes...their overall appearance.  Of course, for every compliment there must be the reciprocal compliment back.  I bet the retro-complimenter is lying a lot of the time.  It's not like she can say, 'Oh, thank you!  You...ehhh...well, actually you sorta look like Shrek's girlfriend in that movie.'  Guys don't do this.  Ever.  Or maybe they do and I just look like crap.